I wish i can be a calm mother who talks to her children in the softest voice.
I wish to give them the total freedom in growing up as a toddler.
But instead, i ended up screaming, yelling and cubit-ing my kids.
We just got back from a short family trip ( a separate entry of the trip soon), it was suppose to be a family getaway, time to enjoy the moments together but it ended up with some stressful events. I came home and reflect back on the things that happen, and i felt bad. I was expecting too much from my kids. I was countless on how many thousand times i (n husband) scolded the kids, saying “listen hArith! Listen!!” obviously that poor boy wish to roam around freely, exploring the new place but we kept screaming asking him to follow instruction, it restricted his movement a lot. I felt bad each time i (or husband) had to say this “hArith dah big boy kan, listen lah”
Bila piki balik, kesian die. He just turn 3 and we are already expecting hi m to be the big abang, sume mende nk buat kena marah. Ye lah, kids every now and then nak lah kan do new things, but that ended up getting scolded by us. It feel sad bile piki balik, my friends yg anak sorang (of the same age like my elder 2) getting full attention from both parents. Nak buat ape, ade one of the parents akan follow his/her “adventure in exploring new things”. But we on the other hand, ended up screaming “mommy said must behave kan? Sit down properly”
Seriously it is sad to have such situation. I feel unfair. Other kids are growing up according to their age, while im expecting my 2 and 3 years old kids to be following every single instruction. That’s a bit too much aight. Other kids getting full attention a ratio of 2 adults: 1 child while we on the other hand trying to divide our love and attention of a ratio 2 adult: 3 children. And soon we will be having ratio of 2 adult:4 children InsyaAllah. Yes mmg ade je other family with 4 kids, but im talking about having 4 kids under the age of 4 years. While other 2 and 3 years old are still the one and only “baby” in the house, my kids are force to be big boys / big gal.
Well, as much as i feel bad about it. But i can’t help it. How do i bring all 3 to eat outside without screaming at them to sit down properly when one starts running? And obviously others will follow suit.
Seriously, i want to be a loving mother, a mother whom my children will love and respect. And a gentle mother who treats their children with respects too. I want to be mother who raises them in such a nurturing environment that encourages them to be creative and well rounded lil khalifah of Allah instead of depriving them from exploring their surroundings. I hate it when i have to scream at them, calling them back whenever they were about to start exploring the place. Oh Allah, how do i be a mother who needs not force and scream to them whenever instruction is given, how do i discipline them without the need of force, screaming, yelling and worst of all cubit?
It makes me wanna cry whenever i see my kids crying after kena cubit. I would feel deep inside me “gosh what did i just do??” Im not too sure now does “cubit” really works, sbb macam tak makan saman gak. Im afraid they will ended up having hatred in them towards us.
I really feel bad whenever they need me, but im short of hands (and patients) and ended up ‘leaving them to cry’. I really feel bad that im asking them to grow up and act like big kids while they are only 2 years n 3 years old kids. It really makes me feel bad when i have to leave uZAir crying on the floor when what he wants is to be cuddled and clings to his mom. Thats what a 2 year old boy usually does aight? But im on the other hand will be mumbling away “ish jgn ngada2 lah uZair, mommy tak larat”. athirAh is my lil adventurer who loves to climb. But everytime die climb meja, kusi, almari, cabinet she’ll ended up kena marah. Been wanting to bring her to the putrajaya wall climbing but have yet made a trip there.
I really have to find a new methodology is raising 3 toddlers, a new kind gentle way that no screaming and yelling is needed BUT instruction understood. Is this ever possible? Please share with me! Hmm maybe i have to start bukak balik my phsychology books. But then again most theory tu cam very old skool, don’t think it can be applied to my kids now. Theory and practical is never the same aight.
Every nite, when i watch them asleep, i will pause and reflect; things we did. And i feel regret for not being the mother they deserve. And i think syauQi is also losing his patients with the kids. At times i actually feel relieved that he goes to work for couple of days coz that would be a break for him from the kids and hoping that he comes back feeling rejuvenated to handle the kids.
Maybe i should bring them to the small stream petang ni as hArith has been asking for that the past few weeks. But i didn’t bring him cause nausea hit me pretty bad. Oh btw, my boy pelat “r” die sebut “l” instead. So instead of saying river he says “mommy jom pegi liver” hihi
Well, Sorry kids for spoiling ur holiday